Divine Disorder

Divine Disorder Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Scene Five

Cut to interior: The lobby of Sho Sange and Associates. It has tall ceilings, though there are no windows. The walls are covered in both clocks (which all tell different times) and magical amulets and totems, which all serve different and mostly incomprehensible purposes. The walls are so covered in these objects, it is difficult to tell what colour they actually are. They are, of course, a very dull grey. There are a few chairs scattered around the room, as if for the clients to sit and wait, though little sitting and waiting is done in this place. There is a winding staircase on one wall, which leads up to the second floor where the members of the team live. There is one unattended desk in the lobby, as the team spends most of its time in the field or in private workshops and offices behind closed doors. The place has a slightly disreputable air, as if very questionable business is conducted there. The single desk looks as if a receptionist should be sitting there awaiting their clients (though there is no receptionist, and whomever is meant to be tending it as Darius enters is probably goofing off somewhere. It’s that kind of place). The desk is cluttered and messy. Papers are sticking out all over the place, and unidentified gadgets and magical amulets litter the surface. Some seem to be broken or merely in the beginning stages of invention. It resembles a mad scientist’s as much as a very odd wizard’s work table. Over the desk is a sort of bell, which one pulls down on a bit of rope to ring.

Darius pulls the rope, and the bell rings. He waits impatiently for a moment in which nothing happens. Aine comes racing into the room, as it is she who was supposed to be watching the desk. Aine looks excited, but when she sees Darius, she slouches with disappointment.

AINE
Oh, it’s you

Darius raises his eyebrows, but he does not make any response to this.

AINE
Yells rudely over her shoulder
Sho, it’s for you!

Sho enters the room from a door behind her. He is not looking at his client, and he seems only vaguely to realise he’s been called. He is scowling down at a letter, which is written on blood red paper with black ink. His scowl is due to the information contained in the letter, which is both troubling and irritating.

SHO
Who is it?

Aine looks reproachful, and Darius clears his throat.

AINE
Your special friend

SHO
Still looking down at the letter
Huh?

AINE
It’s the flash bastard in the expensive suits

Sho looks up abruptly and tucks the letter into the pocket of his jacket

SHO
Oh, it’s you

DARIUS
With a wry expression
Such service. It is no wonder your lobby is so jam packed with clients

Darius looks pointedly at Aine, who gives him a rude hand gesture.

AINE
Yes, fine I’ll leave you two alone

Sho watches Aine flit out of the room, then turns back to Darius with a resigned expression.

SHO
What can I do for you today, Darius?

DARIUS
Puffs up his chest and tries to look very cool
I need a very small, inconsequential favour.

SHO
By favour, I assume you mean work that pays?

DARIUS
Waving his hand dismissively in the air, as if this is an insulting suggestion
Yes, yes, for the usual fee, of course.

Sho crosses his arms. He is taller than Darius, and he looks just as cool. He seems to realise as he watches his client that he has the upper hand, which is really quite rare with people like Darius. He smirks because he is going to enjoy taking the piss.

SHO
What is it, then?

DARIUS
A small matter that needs…clearing up.

SHO
By small matter, I assume you mean horrendously tricky task that will probably get one of my people killed and which you are too lazy to do on your own?

DARIUS
Now, Sho, you are very unkind today. What’s got your knickers in such a twist? Would I ever send you on such an errand for selfish reasons?

SHO
Yes

DARIUS
Oh, all right, I would. But I assure you, this is not such one of those times. This really is a small matter of…tremendous importance.

SHO
Ah, one of those

DARIUS
Naturally, I would simply take care of it myself, only…it’s not exactly the sort of thing my, uh, employers would approve.

SHO
I see. So we’ll be working on behalf of the divine this time? That’s very uplifting.

DARIUS
If you like.

SHO
Sighs
What is it?

DARIUS
Well, there’s a bit of something…just a small matter, you understand, going on at Gwydion Academy of Advanced Sorcery

SHO
Walks to the desk and sits down
Stop wasting my time with cryptic rubbish, Darius. I’m a busy man.

DARIUS
Oh, yes, I can see. You’re simply overrun with interested paying clients. Why, I had to fight my way through just to secure this thus far highly productive meeting

SHO
Spit it out

DARIUS
Sits in the chair across from him and folds his hands primly in his lap
Zebulon Tan, One of the professors at Gywdion is trying to open a gate to Hao

SHO
What the hell is Hao?

DARIUS
Impatient
It’s not important. What is important is that he is stopped. At all costs.

SHO
Why?

DARIUS
Does it matter?

Sho
I am attempting to suss the urgency of the matter at hand

DARIUS
Scowls
If he is successful, he will unmake the entire universe

Sho considers this silently for a moment

SHO
All right. I appreciate the urgency of the matter

DARIUS
I am so pleased. This is a matter of extreme delicacy, you understand.
He looks uncomfortable
Something in which I most emphatically should not be involved.

SHO
I get it. Ptolemy put you up to this.

DARIUS
Glares
I don’t want to hear that conniving bastard’s name.

SHO
Grins
What is it exactly that you want us to do?

DARIUS
Just stop him.

SHO
How?

DARIUS
Well, I don’t know! Tie him up, lock him in a closet. Kill him, if you have to.

SHO
You know, that isn’t exactly what we do here.

DARIUS
Think of something else, then! This is your job. If I knew what to do, I wouldn’t have to hire you, would I?

SHO
With a thoughtful expression
All right. How exactly is Tan going to open this gate?

DARIUS
He’s gotten a hold of a spell. One that is very difficult to find.

SHO
What’s the spell? How did he get it?

DARIUS
Look, I don’t hire you to ask a lot of questions. In fact, not asking questions is the principal reason I work with you.

SHO
All right. Do you know how far he’s come in completing the spell?

DARIUS
Miserable
No

SHO
So, you want my team to get inside the school and stop Tan from completing a spell which will open a Gate, which will, one way or another, unmake the entire universe, but you don’t have any idea how far he’s gotten or how to stop him short of killing him

DARIUS
Yes. That is it exactly. Very succinct

SHO
Stands abruptly
I can’t do it

DARIUS
Flies to his feet, his face turning purple with rage
What?!

SHO
There is a matter to which I must attend in Scathach. My father’s best friend, Dark Lord Passion, has died. My father has requested my return. I cannot refuse him at such a time.

DARIUS
You’re all I have!

SHO
I understand that.

DARIUS
If Tan is successful, there will be no Dark Lands!

SHO
Were that that were true.

DARIUS
It seems to me you are, in fact, failing to actually grasp the urgency of the matter at hand. No sensual massages…no women…

SHO
That will do, Darius. There are several other members on my team. I cannot personally attend to the matter, but there are others who are fully capable of stopping one old man from unmaking the entire world.

DARIUS
Looks brighter
I want Oni!

SHO
Frowns at him
I told you, were aren’t going to kill him.

Darius looks highly disappointed

SHO
Looks thoughtful
I was going to ask her to accompany me to Scathach, but as you are a very…special client, I will concede to abandon the idea.

DARIUS
Oh, gee. I’m sincerely indebted. I’m quite reassured that the fate of the entire world, not to mention my long-standing weekly appointment with Enid, a very high skilled masseuse, by the way, does, in fact, take preference to your personal comfort.

SHO
I do like to give

DARIUS
Looks serious now
Sho, I need to know you’re going to do this

SHO
Have I ever failed you?

DARIUS
Sighs
No

SHO
Good. Are we done?

DARIUS
With a sour expression
Yes, we’re done.

SHO
Great

As Sho walks with Darius towards the door, Simon walks into the room. He pauses when he and Darius see each other

SIMON
Oh, it’s you

DARIUS
Looks exasperated
Why does everyone keep saying that? It’s beginning to hurt my feelings

SIMON
Looks suspicious
Why are you here?

DARIUS
Squares his shoulders and looks defiant
I have a job for you.

SIMON
Sighs
Brilliant. The sort of job that does not involve the enhancement of the world at large, I shouldn’t wonder.

DARIUS
Crosses his arms across his chest
For your information, I am working for the other side this time.

SIMON
Oh, well, that’s an interesting twist

DARIUS
Isn’t it? Nearly as interesting as someone such as you working in a place like this

SIMON
Stiffly
I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.

DARIUS
I’m sure you do.

Darius turns away and starts towards the door, but he pauses with his hand on the knob to half turn back

DARIUS
Always a pleasure, Sho. Acci–

SIMON
Cutting him off
Simon!

DARIUS
Smirks
Right. Simon. Ta ta.

The door closes behind him. Sho looks at Simon with raised eyebrows. Simon blushes, but Sho turns away without questioning him about his exchange with the fallen angel

SHO
Gather the team in the conference room. We have a job

Scene Six

Cut to interior: A windowless conference room with a round table covered in bottles of liqueur, papers and weird gadgets.

Sho, Aine, Hyde, Oni, Xen and Simon are gathered around the table.

Simon is sitting primly with his hands folded on the top of the table, in an area free of chaos and debris.

Sho is not seated. He is standing at what seems to be the head of the table, leaning on his hands, which are palm down on the surface of the table.

Behind him, likewise not seated, is Xen, who is leaning against the wall like sentinel with his arms crossed over his chest.

Oni is sitting with her feet kicked up on the table, and her black pointy boots are on top of a pile of debris. She is smoking a cigarette out of a long filter and looks quite roguish.

Aine is spinning disinterestedly in a chair between Oni and Simon, across from Hyde, who is staring vacantly into space.

Simon coughs and waves his hand in the air with an expression of extreme distaste and vexation.

SIMON
Must you smoke that, Oni?

ONI
Smirks
What’s the matter, Simon, afraid it will kill you?

SIMON
Sighs
Yet another attempt on my life, Oni?

ONI
Grins mischievously
Well, sticks and stones haven’t worked so far. I thought I’d try a slow death this time. You’re worried, aren’t you?

SIMON
It’s a disgusting habit. The smell is seeping into my skin.

SHO
Enough, you two. Oni, no smoking in the boardroom.

ONI
Sits up and scowls

Since when?

SHO
Since now!

ONI
What’s got your knickers in a bunch, boss?

SHO
Oni!

ONI
She pouts
Fine.

She snuffs out the smoke

SHO
Can we get on with it?

AINE
Extremely bored
Yes, go on, please.

SHO
We have a job

AINE
Suspiciously
A paying job?

SHO
Yes, of course a paying job, Aine! What do you think I’m running here, an outreach program?

AINE
Sourly
It’s from that flash bastard in the suit, isn’t it?

ONI
Sits up again, excited
Oh, we get to do evil this time?

SHO
We aren’t doing evil. Darius is just the messenger this time

XEN
With a scowl
Whose messenger?

Sho turns to him and shrugs

SHO
The other side’s, I suspect

Xen
Looks interested
I wonder how they talked him into that

SHO
It had something to do with a weekly appointment with a masseuse, from what I gathered.

XEN
Rolls his eyes
What does he want us to do?

Sho sits down. Xen does not

SHO
A professor at the Gwydion Academy of Advanced Sorcery has been working on a spell to open a gate to Hao.

XEN
What the hell is Hao?

SHO
Shrugs
No idea

XEN
Then how do you open a gate there?

SHO
How should I know?

SIMON
Looks very grim

I know what it is. It’s an alternative dimension, and it’s very bad

Oni looks interested, and Simon looks sidelong at her.

SIMON
Not the kind of bad you like, Oni.

She sits back with a pout

SHO
See? It’s very bad. And Darius wants us to prevent it from happening.

XEN
Frowning
How?

SHO
How the hell should I know? I don’t even know where it is.

SIMON
It isn’t anywhere. Well, until some idiot professor opens a gate, anyway. Then it’s there.

AINE
Still looks unimpressed
You don’t know how we’re supposed to stop it?

SHO
I don’t even know how he’s doing it.

ONI
Your leadership skills are leaving a little to be desired here, boss.

SHO
Then you won’t like this

ONI
Won’t like what?

SHO
I’m not going with you.

ONI
What? What do you mean?

SHO
I have to return to Scathach straight away. Lord Blood has ordered me home.

AINE
Indignant
Can he do that?

SHO
He’s my Lord. And he’s my father. Yes, he can do that.

ONI
Looks excited
Ooh, can I go? Last time we were in the Dark Lands, I was almost named their queen

SHO
Rolls his eyes
That is not actually what happened. I think you will find, if you look past whatever fantasies you’ve built up in your head, that you, in fact, were nearly executed for crimes against the state

ONI
Shrugging
Dark Lord tribunals are very misleading

SHO
Potential political fiascos aside, I’m afraid you can’t go with me this time

ONI
Looks hurt
Why not?

SHO
Darius requested you specifically for this job.

Oni nudges Hyde, who looks only mildly interested in the proceedings. He is staring at Aine, who seems more interested in how many individual specks make up the ceiling than the conversation at hand.

ONI
It’s because I’m so good

HYDE
Matter-of-factly
It’s probably because you’re crazy and demons like crazy

SIMON
Darius isn’t a demon, Hyde.

HYDE
He’s not a demon? I thought he was a demon

SHO
He’s not a demon.

XEN
If you aren’t coming with us, Sho, who’s running this convoluted operation?

SHO
Smirks
You are, Xen.

XEN
Terrific

AINE
Nods towards Xen
So what happens if the vigilante over there cocks up the whole thing and this professor actually succeeds?

XEN
Aine, are you still mad the Lumina took away your magic shoes?

AINE
In fact looks extremely angry.
They let me walk on walls!

Sho gives them all a long-suffering look

SIMON
Interrupting the argument
The entire world is destroyed

They all look at him, sobered.

XEN
What?

SIMON
Pushes his glasses up his nose primly.
If the professor succeeds in opening a gate to Hao, the entire world will be destroyed.

SHO
Smiling
Right, then.
He stands and walks towards the door
So, try not to cock it up. See you all when I get back

 

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