Fun Stuff

Little Agnes Episode One

Little Agnes
Episode 1
The Bully and the Minion

CHARACTERS

LITTLE AGNES–a pre-teen mad scientist
VIC–an animated clockwork cadaver
HORACE, known as QUIVER–a minion
BULLY–a bully

FADE IN

EXT. AN OLD FASHIONED SCHOOLYARD

Children are building houses of cards, picking up sticks and running around with a leather ball. They seem to be having a lovely time. However, a young, squared-looking boy with thick, weird curly hair that sticks out in all directions like upside down cork-screws is being hassled by a much larger boy with perfect ringlet curls dressed in overall shorts and knee-high socks. The BULLY is poking the smaller boy with a stick.

BULLY
Hey, Horace, how come you look like that? How come your hair looks like a Tesla coil?

QUIVER
You just heard that word in science class. You don’t even know what a Tesla coil is!

BULLY
It’s something that makes your hair look weird. That is some weird-looking hair. Don’t you have a mommy? My mommy makes sure my hair doesn’t look weird. She combs it into perfect ringlets everyday. How come your mommy doesn’t comb your hair?

QUIVER
Sadly
My mom’s dead.

BULLY
Guffaws
How come your mom’s dead? That’s weird.

QUIVER looks forlorn.

CUT TO THE SAME SCHOOLYARD, A LITTLE WAYS AWAY AND WITHIN VIEW OF THE BULLYING

LITTLE AGNES is moving slowly around the fence that surrounds the schoolyard. She is holding something that looks like a cattle prod. She is sweeping it along the fence like a metal detector, and as she does, it emit’s a series of brightly coloured sparks. It is uncertain what this thing actually does, but she has a look of concentration on her face and is wearing goggles. Her hair is tucked under an aviator hat, but her pigtails are sticking out of holes in the sides and bouncing cheerfully. She is wearing a utility belt with several odd and interesting-looking vials, tubes, coils and instruments. Behind her, VIC, the animated clockwork cadaver, is trudging slowly. As the sparks shower him, his decaying flesh smokes slightly, and he looks increasingly unhappy. Agnes does not seem to notice. In the middle of a sweep, Agnes looks pleased with the series of sparks, but she hears Quiver’s voice off screen and pauses to listen.

QUIVER OFF SCREEN
Leave me alone! I don’t want to touch it! It’s squishy and it makes me feel unclean!

Little Agnes looks over at Quiver and the Bully with an alert expression. Quiver is bent over, covering his head with his arms as the Bully beats him about the head and neck with his stick. The stick doesn’t seem to be causing too much damage, but Quiver is thoroughly terrorized all the same. Agnes immediately strides over in a towering temper. Vic follows faithfully behind, and there is a long-suffering expression on his zombie face.

AGNES
What are you doing to that little weird kid?

BULLY
Stay out of this, Little Agnes. It’s nothing to do with you.
He looks at her and guffaws
What have you got those goggles on for? You look weird.
He pauses and looks at her stick. He looks at his own and seems to find it lacking. A covetous expression crosses his face
What’s that thing? What’s it do? I want it. Give it to me.

AGNES
Grins wickedly
OK.

She pokes him in the stomach with the prod. Quiver stares in shock as it emits sparks as it strikes the Bully. The Bully lights up, as if being electrocuted, and jerks wildly. His hair flies out in all directions and looks even weirder than Quiver’s. As Agnes snaps the stick back into a holster on her belt, the Bully’s arms pin-wheel and he begins to fall backwards. As he does, he grabs Vic’s arm to catch himself. On his way down, the Bully tears Vic’s arm clear off. Vic moans, and the Bully shrieks, tossing the arm down and racing quickly away from them, shrieking incoherently. Vic looks down at his arm forlornly.

AGNES
Yelling after the bully
How do you like being poked with sticks? Don’t let me catch you picking on little weird kids again or there‘s more where that came from!

QUIVER
Looking horrified
His arm’s off.

AGNES
Huh? Oh, yeah. Don’t worry about Vic. My dad will put his arm back right.

QUIVER
Vic?

AGNES
Yeah, it’s short for Victim. He’s an animated clockwork cadaver. My dad made him in his lab. He makes all sorts of things.

QUIVER
Looks terrified
Uh…thanks for saving me from that bully, but…

AGNES
Looks proud
Don’t mention it. What’s your name, weird kid?

QUIVER
Uh…Horace.

AGNES
Considers then shakes her head decidedly
No, I don’t like it. From now on, I think I’ll call you Quiver.

QUIVER
Uh, that’s not really my name…

AGNES
Puts arm around his shoulder and ignores his words completely
So, as I’ve saved your life from that great stupid bully, it now belongs to me.

QUIVER
Huh?

AGNES
Rubbing her hands together delightedly
You will be my first faithful minion. Well, aside from Vic.

QUIVER
Well, I…

Agnes whips out her electric prod with apparent distraction.

QUIVER
Eyes it and reconsiders. He grins wildly, though his eyes are still huge and terrified
Sure, sounds great!

AGNES
Ace! Your first act as my minion will be to provide snacks. Come on, Vic!

QUIVER
Snacks?

AGNES
Claps him on shoulder as they start to walk away
Don’t forget Vic’s arm.

Quiver scoops up Vic’s arm reluctantly, holding it away from him in horror. Vic looks at him and moans, as if he is sharing his suffering.

AGNES
So, what did you bring for lunch? You better have chocolate.

FADE OUT

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