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I never stopped loving you, Corey

The other day I discovered that my dear aunt, in her typical sanguine and unabashed way,  suggested to a certain Corey that he should read Hex Breaker. Now, at first I thought, why would Corey want to read Hex Breaker? Then I thought, Now, wait a minute, why wouldn’t he? You see, I grew up loving the Coreys, but there was one Corey who truly captured my heart.

Corey, I loved you when you were the fat kid from Stand By Me–no, wait, that was Jerry (Jerry, love you too, baby). Anyway, Corey, I loved you when you were mouthing off in Goonies (I even went to Astoria, but it was by accident). I loved you when you screwed everything up and set a pack of Gremlins running all about the place. I loved you when you were fighting vampires (all three times–three, Corey). I especially loved you when you became an old man and danced down the bleachers in a fedora; I really felt like you were dancing for me. I loved you when you were worshiping an old refrigerator and stealing the prom; when you were a mutant ninja turtle; when you had no license to drive. I even loved you when you were the puppet master. I could go on, Corey, but I think you get the general idea, and I am feeling a little overwhelmed with emotion.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask that you love me back a little, Corey; is it? So, maybe you will take my brazen aunt’s advice and check out Hex Breaker. It’s not the worst way you could spend a few hours, and perhaps we can together venture into that most rewarding place of mutual admiration.


With love,




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